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Focus: Stop Drifting

September 28, 2011

Jerry and Sandy were driving to church one Sunday evening.  Sandy said, “I miss you, Jerry.”  “Why?  I’m right here,” was Jerry’s answer.  “I know,” Sandy said, “but we’ve been married for seven years, Jerry.  When we were first married, you used to sit close to me, hold my hand, whisper sweet compliments in my ear, and kiss me on my cheek.  We were so much in love back then.  What happened to us?”

“You know I love you, Sandy,” was Jerry’s answer.  “I know,” Sandy quickly replied.  “But it just doesn’t feel like we’re in love the way we used to be.  And that concerns me.  I want you to show me how much you love me … like you did when we were engaged and during our first few years of marriage.  I miss your constant touch.  I miss your snuggling with me.  I miss the feelings we used to have for each other.  I miss our long talks.  Our love is different now; it’s just not the same as it used to be.  I can tell we don’t love each other as much as we once did!  Look at us!  I’m sitting on one side of the car seat, and you’re sitting on the other end … way over there!  We don’t even ‘look like’ we love each other.  If someone we know were to drive by us right now, they’d know we look like we don’t love each other anymore.”

Jerry:  “I didn’t marry you to ‘look like’ we’re in love, Sandy.  We are in love.  Who’s questioning whether or not we love each other?”  “Nobody,” was Sandy’s answer.  “I just wish we could get back the closeness we once had.  That magnetic love that always drew us close to each other is just not there anymore.  I love you, but it’s just not the same as it used to be, Jerry.”

Jerry answered:  “Well, Sandy, I’m still sitting right here where I always sat while we dated and after we were first married.  I’m sitting right here at the steering wheel!”  (GUESS WHO MOVED!)

Hebrews 2: 1-3 states that we should pay careful attention to things that we have heard (and know is right); because if we don’t, we will drift away from them.  For if The Word is true, then disobedience is punished.  How can we escape (punishment) if we neglect such a great salvation?


Whenever a couple focuses on the important aspects of their marriage, they grow deeper and more compassionately in love.  To stay focused, the bride and groom must  stay friends and continue having loving hearts toward each other by  demonstrating passion; support; thoughtfulness; respect; generosity; kindness; trust; integrity; shared values; and good listening skills.  Being focused includes NOT being overly critical; jealous; unforgiving; selfish; difficult; unaccepting; threatening; defensive; angry; discouraging; or irritating.

Likewise, when a Christian accepts Jesus as personal Savior, one is highly focused on God’s Love, Forgiveness, Acceptance, and Faithfulness.  He/she buys a Bible and reads it daily; goes to church every time the doors are opened; attends Sunday School or Small Group Meetings weekly; and tells every friend how happy, joyful, and thankful.  He feels that the world seems like a perfect place to be.  After a time, the Christian’s joy and thankfulness diminishes somewhat as the activities of life move on.  (GUESS WHO MOVED!  NOT GOD!)

In both scenarios of the “married couple” and the “new Christian,” all is well so long as they stay focused on what they are doing and why.  But after a while, their lives begin to drift away from their original focus.  What causes the drift is “doing nothing.”  What happens naturally when they do nothing as their focus shifts to less important issues and activities is that they grow further and further away from their “first loves.”  The distance between the two partners grows farther and farther apart over time.  The only way either situation can be returned to its original state is by refocusing and returning to the original love partnership.

In Revelations 2:4, we are told that … we have left your first love and that we must remember from where we have fallen, repent, and return to what worked well for us in the beginning.

When we make the choice to return to our original focus, we can reconnect to our first love in both cases.  We can then regain the enjoyment of our original love and feelings of being loved.  But we must work for this by returning to whatever worked well with the partner originally.  In the case of a married couple, both partners must be willing to reconnect by focusing on each other and the desired relationship.  That usually takes prayer, planning, and hard work.  It’s worth it!  In the second scenario, we know that God is always ready and waiting to reconnect to His prodigal child!

Lesson:  Stay focused to prevent drift!  If drift begins to occur, refocus!

Gloria Carter is a wife, mother, grandmother, Red-Hatter, and all-around enjoy-er of the life God has abundantly blessed her with.


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